Let me start off this blog by saying I have been sick for a long time. In the middle of September of 2010 I was at work in Napa, Ca and I began to feel stabbing pain in my left eye and burning pain in my hands and feet. I didn't think much of it until it persisted the following morning, only had gotten worse. What a nightmare, "Oh no I thought, not again...they told me my eye problems wouldn't return!".
Back in September of 2008 I had eye pain that was originally thought to be just an eye infection. Long story really short, I had an optic nerve irritation that required heavy iv steroids and step down oral steroids. Along with treatment I still continued to have pain and was carted around to several eye specialists. Finally, the last one was a neuropthamologist who gave me a decent migraine pain reliever that I took for six months until the pain finally subsided on it's own. That neuropthamologist explained it to me, "sometimes we see non-optic neuritus optic neuritus...and migraine pain medicine can help with the pain. Also, it's not likely to come back if we don't see any signs of MS", which was true, I had no signs of lupus or multiple sclerosis.
I believed him and went about my life for the next two years. I got pregnant, got married, and had a miscarriage...fine we thought it's dumb luck and lets try again. I went on to have another miscarriage and also a blighted ovum. Thank goodness for my supportive family and two very loving terriers.
In those two years my husband and I went through obviously many trials and tribulations and by June of 2010 we were stronger than ever. We had just bought our first home and were living the dream. I was working diligently at keeping my health in check with regular dog walk/runs and also trying to find a new job. I did injure my pelvis during the heavy lifting of the move but I got chiropractic care and continued to live my life normally. Then, wham bam, all of a sudden I feel overly tired by the end of the summer. I went to my personal doctor and asked him to check my thyroid because I knew I wasn't pregnant and I was just so overly exhausted. Thyroid function turned out to be normal.
Two weeks later, on a mid September morning I'm calling my mom crying that my eye hurts again along with my hands and feet. I had to work the next two days until I had a day off to go to the doctor. By the time I made it to my doctor (who got me an urgent appointment) pain had spread up my body like I was on fire. A few days later I could not walk at all because of pain and weakness. I was given five days of 1000mg iv steroids and two weeks of oral steroids. I felt better for a good ten days and then all of a sudden the pain and weakness came rushing back full force.
Since then I have been in constant pain plus having nightsweats, trouble breathing (at times), and felt like a prisoner in my own body. I finally have a somewhat ok pain medicine so that I can walk around and do some normal things.
I do still spend alot of time being tired and lethargic with bouts of nausea...so I decided to start this blog. I am done speaking of the particulars of my illness in this blog. I have only talked about it thus far so that my situation could be understood. I will only speak of it now in terms of what I've learned about myself and keeping beautiful.
Beautifying myself and other people has been a long time passion of mine. Since I was two or three years old I have enjoyed makeup application. I used to ask my mom and older sister to put lipstick on me or paint my nails. I'd also crawl up on the bathroom counter and watch them put on makeup. Did you know a three year old can remember how to soften an eye pencil with the heat of the light bulb? Yeah I was THAT girl!! As a pre-teen (or do we say "tween" now? I don't know) I started reading magazines to scower for makeup tips. I also received my very first Bobbi Brown makeup book when I was eleven...yes I still own it.
Beauty rituals and pampering have been what I turn to when I'm ill. Even though I have spent many years of my short life with illness or injury; my love for beauty, the inner and the outer, still burns with passion. I study makeup books, take mental notes of tv makeup, and spend lots of time drying my nails. I also have been practicing my craft in an effort to become more creative and be ready to persue a makeup career when I am well.
I'd like to use this blog to share what I've learned about beauty and how it can heal your soul...even if your body won't cooperate. This year for christmas I was very lucky and showered with many gifts. My mom really does go overboard, and she knows it. I have three favorite gifts from this christmas, but the one I want to talk about right now is the electric nail file. My mom knows how poorly I was feeling and for how long, hell she's been my personal nurse through the whole ride. Anyway, she bought me the nail kit with an electric file and dryer so I could keep my nails beautiful without causing myself the pain of manual filing and drying. She knows better than anyone how much I like to keep up my appearance. Just today I sat on my couch in more pain than I've had for a while, but I could forget about it because I had my nail kit out and was going to town. It's a calming ritual with huge payoff for me. Not only do my nails look gorgeous afterward, but I've successfully kept this painful illness from killing my spirit.
I've learned through all my medical issues that being sick or not having children does not define who I am. I am a warm-hearted individual who takes pleasure in making myself and other people beautiful. I've always been booksmart, especially in school, but I've learned that I am also an intensely creative person. It's more important for me right now to focus on what I can do than what I can't and beauty is part of that outlet for me.
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